I took a gap year in between graduating college and starting university. For sake of theatrics, this year will forever be remembered as “The Dark Ages”. During said “Dark Ages”, I worked at a call-center for an American cable company. I received calls from all over the United States of ‘Merica, anywhere from California to Florida, and usually within the first three minutes of answering the phone, I was always asked the same questions.
This is how it typically played out:
Customer: “Are you Canadian?”
Kate: “Yes, I am!”
C:“I could tell by your accent.”
K: “You could? I didn’t know I had an accent.”
C: “Oh yeah, it’s a mix between a Californian and Minnesotan accent.”
K: “Really? That’s surprising since I live so close to New York.”
C: “So, do you know Drake?”
Other calls usually went like this:
Customer: “Oh, so you’re Canadian! It must be really cold out there!”
Most of these particular calls occurred in the summer time.
Kate: “Well today it’s about 80 degrees”
C: “Oh wow, so you folks do get some warm weather!”
I’d also get the typical questions about free healthcare and getting rid of the penny, but my favourite calls were usually the angry customers:
I’ve taken the liberty of editing the language since ladies don’t swear....
Kate: “Thanks for calling [American cable company that shall remain unnamed], my name is Kate, and how might I help you today?
C: “Y’all done [rhymes with trucked] up my TV!”
K: “I’m sorry ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”
C: “Y’all cut off my TV! Cut it back on right now!”
K: “Well let me take a look at your account and see what the issue is”
After about five attempts of having her list off her phone number at lightning speed with a very heavy southern accent I ask her one more time...
K: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’ll need you to say your phone number a little slower so I can catch all the numbers, please”
C: “This is rediklus! You stupit or somethin’?
K: “No ma’am, it’s just hard for me to record your number when you say it so fast”
After many sighs, and finally some cooperation, I find the account and see that the customer is two-months past due and has an account balance of about $600.
K: “Okay, so I see the reason why you’re in an interruption is because your bill is past due. Are you able to make a payment today to clear up the arrears?”
C: “I don’t know what the [rhymes with stuck] you’re goin’ on ‘bout, but turn my [Lord’s name, beaver’s house] TV back on right now!”
K: “I’d be happy to restore services for you after you’ve paid the past due balance.”
C: “Well I’m not payin’ the [Lord’s name, beaver’s house] bill because my cable went fuzzy last month and y’all didn’t fix it.”
K: “I’m sorry, did you call us about the issues”
C: “No, I got other [feces] I got to deal with, I don’t have time to be sittin’ on the phone witches”
K: “Okay, then unfortunately there’s nothing I can do apart from take your payment”
C: “Where are you?”
K: “I’m sorry?”
C: “Where. Are. You?
K: “I’m in Canada, ma’am
C: “Mmmhmm. You Canadian’s are so stupit. Takin’ our jobs and now stealin’ from a poor old woman who’s lost her husband and doesn’t have a job. Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves” (Her husband was alive, it was notated that he called the night before to make sure his pay per view titles wouldn't be on the bill).
K: “I’m sorry you feel that way ma’am but there’s nothing we can do until you’ve paid your bill”
C: “Oh I’ll see about that.”
And then usually they hang up. Most of the time they spew out obscenity after obscenity and then hang up, but I think you get the drift.