This year has been leading up to this on moment of pure anxiety and excitement; I'm moving.
|Nice picture eh? I took this at the beaches!|
Last week we went and picked up our keys and stepped not only into our first apartment in a brand new city, but also into a whole new adventure this year. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, and I'm not sure how to execute just exactly how I'm feeling at this precise moment. This isn't the first time I've moved out either. I moved out on my own at 19, and had been living on my own until last year when my dad moved back into town and into my spare bedroom. The thing is, even though I've lived on my own, I've never felt, well, on my own. I've always had my family and friends close by; and now, with the exception of Jessica, I'm by myself in a big city.
I feel like it's the first day of high school and I'm in homeroom with none of my friends, and am forced to make new friends to avoid loneliness. Don't get me wrong, I'm great at making friends, but the whole notion of being an adult and having to make practically a whole new group of like-minded friends is anxiety-producing. A million questions are running through my mind: Where does a twenty-something gal with no desire to bar-hop meet classy people? Who will be there to take care of me when I'm sick? What happens if I need help carrying something heavy? Who will open the pickle jar? All of these things make me feel nervous to officially be a grown-up living on my own. That, and my apartment has a large pigeon population, and it freaks me out that they just stare at me through my window; it's like they know something.
I guess what I'm dealing with is, the fear of the unknown. I don't know if it will work out, if I'll love living in Toronto, if I'll find a job that I love, and find happiness in the city, that's why I moved here to begin with, to figure that out. Sometimes, we just don't know what the end result will be, but we just have to have faith that it will work out, and enjoy the journey because that's half the fun.